N-o.\u00a0 Those two letters trigger an emotional response in all of us.\u00a0 Being told “no” changes the course of our thought processes.\u00a0 Some people respond by accepting rejection and moving on.\u00a0 Others will hear “no” as an opportunity for negotiation or reframing their request.\u00a0 Some take it personally, as a repudiation of their ideas, their desires, or even their worth, and can react by lashing out or retreating inward.<\/p>\n
Many people avoid saying “no” because of the unpredictable responses and give in to demands when they shouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 But while we often can\u2019t foresee what an individual\u2019s response to “no” will be, we know how people handle “yes.”\u00a0 “Yes” is affirmation.\u00a0 “Yes” is the moving things forward.\u00a0 “Yes” brings about predictable results. This is why everyone\u2014but especially children with autism\u2014benefit from the practice of saying “yes.”<\/p>\n
The desire to say “no” can be deeply ingrained in us. It may be the response we\u2019ve heard all of our lives, the one that we\u2019re used to and that seems most naturally appropriate. This was on display during a recent parent training, where the father of a six year-old with autism told me that he did not agree with the \u201cyes\u201d practice.\u00a0 He shared that his son often asks for a cookie while his wife is making dinner, and he, the father, finds it necessary to say “no” because his son \u201cneeds to learn to wait for dinner.\u201d\u00a0 The child frequently throws tantrums by falling to the ground, kicking and screaming, and has to be carried to his room.\u00a0 The father just wants the boy to learn that \u201cno means no.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a child with autism, “no” doesn\u2019t mean \u201cI respect your request, but not now.\u201d It means “absolutely not, under no circumstances, ever.”\u00a0 \u201cNo\u201d conveys a sense of finality and often results in children with autism instinctively raising their barriers.\u00a0 I suggested to this father that he respond to his son\u2019s desire by saying something like,\u00a0\u201cA cookie sounds great\u2014I love cookies too.\u00a0 What kind do you want?\u00a0 Let\u2019s have one after dinner\u2014please set the table for dinner and the cookies.\u201d<\/p>\n
Although he was skeptical, the father followed this advice. He called a few days later to report that not only are the tantrums gone, but his son now enjoys setting the table every night.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s another example.\u00a0 A highly intelligent child with ASD, who had a history of engaging in severe and violent behaviors toward his mother anytime something he wanted, such as certain food items, were not in the house. When the child asked for the item, the mother would either have to drive a fairly far distance to purchase it or stay at home and bear the violent tantrum. \u00a0Once she implemented the yes practice, however, she responded to his demands by replying, \u201cThat\u2019s a good idea! Let’s add it to the shopping list.\u201d After a few instances, the child learned to problem-solve, and from then on, he independently documented the items he wanted on the list.<\/p>\n
The goal of the \u201cyes\u201d practice is to treat children with dignity and respect.\u00a0 Everyone, regardless of IQ or severity of symptoms, is capable of learning.\u00a0 When we encounter a child throwing up barriers to learning, we should make it our responsibility to find out how they learn and adapt our methodology appropriately.\u00a0 One of the most important changes we can make is to embrace the \u201cyes\u201d practice, and instead of offering a kneejerk negative response, create an opportunity for problem solving so that a child with autism can learn when, where, and under what circumstances his or her request can be fulfilled.<\/p>\n
Saying “yes” does not have to mean giving in.\u00a0 By engaging in the yes practice, you can redirect behavior in children without triggering those dreaded emotional barriers.\u00a0 Because “yes” means the same thing to everyone.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
N-o. Those two letters trigger an emotional response in all of us. Being told “no” changes the course of our thought processes. Some people respond by accepting rejection and moving on. Others will hear “no” as an opportunity for negotiation or reframing their request. Some take it personally, as a repudiation of their ideas, their desires, or even their worth, and can react by lashing out or retreating inward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,30,32],"tags":[43,115,140],"class_list":["post-2989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-autism","category-behavioral","category-evidence-based-best-practices","tag-alternative-behaviors","tag-positive-behavior-supports","tag-yes-practice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n